Talking to Dear "Void"

Yesterday, I was arguing when this old woman I work with used some "big words". They may not seem that big to other people, but the way she talked while discussing unusual subjects seemed so natural, like if she is using those words everyday.Fact is, it made me a little bit jealous.I don't want to be words king, great lecturer or special person ,it's just that it makes me feel like I often use the same small boring words over and over again " I just did it ". It would be wonderful to have a pile of unique words to choose from whenever I need to, for an important reason, just to prove to myself that all my reading and writing is paying off.

This is not about impressing anyone with complicated conversation, just about challenging myself to build some skills.

When I was student, I had that kind of silent nature and somewhere along the way, I stopped asking questions. I debate, but mostly in my head, not loud, and not often to anyone else. I just search and read, read and search, finding more and more new stuff, but not stopping long enough to ask why? how? with whom? where? what? Not stopping to process, decide or act. It's bad, I know it is.

Next month, I will be having tough time at work. Nowadays, I'm working on a project that often sets me off.

Goodnight dear void.